How do I break it to her...

[foxvalley]

Last year I had so many close calls, and golden opportunities,way more chances to kill a big bull than I ever had,only to have the last few days of the season to be very windy,and rainy,shutting down the activity that I was experiencing.
Soooo..... instead of hunting the last half of the season,I'm thinking about hunting the whole season,something I did before I got married.Problem is that I was told that she was "unhappy" with me being gone three weeks last year,she didn't say I cound'nt,and she loves elk meat even more than me.I've only been married 9 years now,and I know there are guys out there married a lot longer,and do spend weeks and weeks away.
My question is how does a guy smooth things over?,guessing it's going to take something between a doz. roses, and a mercedes,or is your wife just happy to be rid of you for weeks and months...LOL.

[Kessler10]

One idea is to compromise with her. Ask her what she thinks of you going for the full season one year, then the next year going for one wee. Or whatever combination you want to use.

I actually had to take the season off last year to smooth things over with my wife so I could go on an outfitted elk hunt this year in Montana with Indian Summer Outfitter_THANKS JOE!
Counting down the days.

Been a long 2 year wait. (technically 19 months)

But this was a little different as money was more of the driving factor behind my compromise. Had to save up. But think you can probably use this compromise method with her. Show her your making some sort of sacrifice. And if your wife is like mine she knows how much elk hunting means to you/us. And giving up going for a year or even cutting a trip short one year, she knows that is a big deal for you/us.

Or yes going with a Mercedes would probably do the trick too.

[WapitiTalk1]

My question is how does a guy smooth things over?,guessing it's going to take something between a doz. roses, and a mercedes,or is your wife just happy to be rid of you for weeks and months...LOL.

Yes sir, your "quid pro quo" tradeoff for this adventure may be in the ballpark of a week long cruise to the bahamas . For a bit under 30 years, Mrs. Phantom has always supported my love for hunting but is not a hunter herself, doesn't necessarily like wild game, has to take care of our house/property by herself when I'm out and about, and tends to get creeped out when I'm gone for long periods of time. Bet she can't wait till I retire and we move to Idaho where I can hunt for several months in the fall . I know it helps when I keep in contact with her (phone call every few days) when I'm gone for a few weeks at a time. I don't know, I don't believe it's in the "over the top" category to take 3-4 weeks each year for your love of hunting when you tow the line and work for your family/wife the other 11 months out of the year. Perhaps it's all in presentation of your proposal when you finally discuss it with her.... nice dinner out, say you've been thinking about a nice cruise every other year with your lovely wife, and oh, by the way... you feel you'll get more bang for the buck and become a better husband, father, employee, citizen and be more successfull during said hunts if you could do a full 3-4 week elk hunt every year I know, I'm probably not much help. Best of luck with your endeavors. RJ

[Raghorn_Reaper]

I may go against the grain here but I say if she was unhappy with you gone for 3 weeks I wouldn't ask for more. I'd be grateful for that! Work your way into it. I'm happy as heck I get 1 week away. I am out of state though. At the end of the day it is just an animal and that montan will be cold as hell if you don't have a wife to come back home to.

I have 3 small kids and I am pressing my luck to leave her with them for a week with no relief

[Rangerz]

Gift Certificate for Coach Handbags?

[foxvalley]

Thanks for the input gentlemen,I do appreciate it.

[Indian Summer]

Would she be interested in going with you at least for a little bit?

If not, diamonds are a girls best friend.

[BrentLaBere]

Diamonds certainly work, I found that out this year, haha. I know my limits with time away from home. She has ideas for vacation time and what she would like us to do together. That's the main limiting factor in my relationship. I have other hunting hobbies as well, so its hard for me to justify pooling all my time away at once just to come back and chase pheasants over the weekend. That might be pressing my luck (know from experience). She is completely understanding of my obsession and I need to understand that in her mind 10 to 12 days away in the fall is enough. I can accept that, and pick my battles for when I get the big point tags. haha.
Talk it over and see where you both stand, and gifts/treats certainly wont hurt!

[six]

Couple things.

Invite her and the family out for a few days mid hunt. Just me but I could never do a 3 week hunt without seeing my family. I start getting family sick around day 6 and by day 10 I'm ready to start walking home.

This one has worked for me in the past. Ask her what she would like in return for you being gone for that long. Such as an extra family vacation, yard project, bathroom remodel, you get the idea.

Good luck

[foxvalley]

Some more great ideas, thanks. Indian,and six,I did take her out to my elk spot one spring for a elk scout/bear hunt, as she does love to hunt.Packing in 5 miles was an all day adventure,that was a lot for her to handle,and it rained the whole time we were there, I think you get the idea.We are planning on another spring bear hunt,just not in the ID backcountry in a pup tent...LOL.
Like any loving wife, it's not just that easy to "buy them something" or "take them somewhere",as they start to miss you the second you leave,and just like mrs. Phantom,she has to hold down the household,a full time job, and take care of my bussinesses while I'm gone,not to mention, like mrs. Phantom,uneasy about being "alone at nite"(I would feel sorry for the poor bastard that tried to get in however,between the dogs, and her shooting ability,he wound'nt stand a chance) On the flip side,you have to do something very special,to show that you really appreciate them letting you go,and holding down the fort while you are away.

[Lark Bunting]

Just do it. What are you going to remember more while lying on your death bed: The fact you came home a week early or that extra time in the woods? The experiences I get while in the woods surpass any guilt I have about being away.

When I first started hunting two years ago I made a promise that I would never miss my daughter's birthday, it's Sept 8th. Last year I was gone for 5 days hunting, came home for her birthday and left for another 3 days right after. Of course I can do that since there are hunt-able units 90 minutes away from home.

[ishy]

I fell your pain brother. This is a yearly issue with me as well. I have no advise, but lots of empathy. It's painful having found something that you love so much that a spouse just doesn't get it in any way shape or form.

[Lefty]

Couple things.Invite her and the family out for a few days mid hunt. Just me but I could never do a 3 week hunt without seeing my family. I start getting family sick around day 6 and by day 10 I'm ready to start walking home,.........

My neighbor spends most of September in camp. The whole family(6 boys 1 girl 4-13 years old) spends at least 4 or 5 days in camp. The oldest two boys are quite the archers. Last night I drove past their place, the military tent was set with the walls up,.. looks like the boys had been "camping" in the yard.

Leaving mom home with the kids is a good way to make most women mad.
One thing I mostly waterfowl hunted while my kids were young so I would be home foe breakfast. My kids are important to me, All three daughters hunt with me (us when my wife is along) as young adults.
Dont make your elk hunt more important than your kids, include them. Yes your hunt will be less intense and chances of killing something may be less.

[CurlyTail]

Your wife and your family are more important than your Elk hunting - don't forget that!

However, your wife will want you to be happy and content, and will respect and support your hobby to a point. I am a big fan of taking breaks during the season. Would it be possible to return home for a 2 or 3 weekends during the month of September? That would go a long way towards showing her that you miss her companionship, and you really wouldn't miss much . A couple days off allows me to catch up on sleep, and recharge my positive attitude so that the time I am hunting is more productive.

Periodic phone calls go a long ways to keep her in touch so text her everyday and call every few days.

I sure burned a bunch of Brownie Points when the kids were young and I would leave to go hunting. Not a popular move at all.
Now that the kids are grown, and can come with me, the wife is much more supportive. You might even say she is "trained" - but not to her face. (grin)

Communicate and compromise or this issue can come back to bite you.

[Fridaythe13th]

Family first: sorry not what you want to here. If you try to break her, she might break you of your elk habit. But taking the wife to Mexico might help. that what I'm doing this winter.

[elkstalker]

I agree, family first, but every family has different dynamics. This winter my wife was upset that I was waterfowl hunting so much. To me, I am the one waking up at 4 AM, and am able to work a full day most of the time, and home for diner. I'm the only one suffering by getting up at the crack of dawn. She saw it as me making hunting a higher priority then her, and that I never take the morning off or wake up super early to do something for/with her. So... now I try to set aside more days/time to just spend with her and she is happy! Happy wife, happy life

[Pop-r]

If you take care of business & IF you are it shouldn't be an issue to be gone. However long you feel comfortable being gone. We ALL could do more to help prepare ourselves & families for us being gone BUT IF we are doing our best then it isn't an issue. Get her some help while you're gone if she needs it. Or send her on vacation with her friends wherever & whenever she wants when you can cover for her. Enjoy life & what you like to do 100%. If whoever doesn't support you in that then you've already got bad off course.

[Ol' red]

I just passed the nine year mark myself. She basically gets as much time in the summer to hang out with her friends at the lake and the beach as I do during hunting season. Pretty even trade.

Red

[sasquatch]

I just passed the nine year mark myself. She basically gets as much time in the summer to hang out with her friends at the lake and the beach as I do during hunting season. Pretty even trade.

Red

This, but unfortunately most women don't seem to have friends or a social life so they make it OUR responsibility to entertain them so when we gone hunting they home board and its somehow our fault. But let me guess, if you had to work EVERY DAY of the season she prob would be ok with that huh? But if u gone hunting/doing what u love all hell breaks loose.

Ill admit I'm not the best to take advise from but you only live once in this world and i stick to that, and she should not want to stop you from doing what you love! Im sure you'd never tell her no to going off with friends to enjoy herself so why should she tell you? If so in the long run you'll prob not work out anyway and you will have lost out on your passion to make something work that isn't going to anyway. My answer to this, is, marry the right one!

[foxvalley]

Some more great reponses, thanks!
"Marry the right one" words to live by.....that I did,and my wife is a real life living angel,and anybody that knows her will tell that also.She treats me better than I ever deserve,however, if she had the chance to go on a month long trip without me,and as long as it was with one of her"girlfriends"LOL,I would not hesitate to give her my blessings,and hope she has a great time.
I have'nt asked her yet if it's ok to leave early,but she already knows what I want to do,and when I bring up the hunt,she hasn't asked"how long will you be gone" this is a good thing.
I have been saying "yes" a lot more,and being a "guy" ,showing emotion, and affection,is not one of our strongholds, but this is something we should all work on,just not to get what we want,but to make us better husbands,and ..... happy wife, happy life.

[Ol' red]

I just passed the nine year mark myself. She basically gets as much time in the summer to hang out with her friends at the lake and the beach as I do during hunting season. Pretty even trade.

Red

This, but unfortunately most women don't seem to have friends or a social life so they make it OUR responsibility to entertain them so when we gone hunting they home board and its somehow our fault. But let me guess, if you had to work EVERY DAY of the season she prob would be ok with that huh? But if u gone hunting/doing what u love all hell breaks loose.

Ill admit I'm not the best to take advise from but you only live once in this world and i stick to that, and she should not want to stop you from doing what you love! Im sure you'd never tell her no to going off with friends to enjoy herself so why should she tell you? If so in the long run you'll prob not work out anyway and you will have lost out on your passion to make something work that isn't going to anyway. My answer to this, is, marry the right one!

No, not at all. I waaaay "out punted my coverage", and was blessed with a woman that lets me go and do pretty much whatever I want. She embraces the "hunting season widow" thing. She knew who I was and what I enjoy before we got married. We dated for several years before that. What's the point in fighting about it? I hate the beach and she's got plenty of friends to hang out with. Plus she's been staying at home with the rug rats while they're young. It hurt losing the second income, but it makes her happy and staying at home with a three year old and five year old is a J-O-B.

Speaking of only living once, I know all to well about that. I take her brother's shotgun on my duck hunting trips because he's no longer with us and can't take it. I'll also be carrying my cousin's knife on my elk hunt in October because of the same reason. The trips I take aren't just for me...they're for these guys too.

She's already blessed a trip to Red Stick in 2018 when my Dawgs will open a massive can of whoop ass on dem tigers!!!

Red

[foxvalley]

I just wanted to recap on how this all turned out...... much easier than anticipated!
As we were out to dinner at a nice resturant,I did ask if it was going to be a big issue to stay the entire season "if need be",and her reaction was......"I thought you already told me you were going to do that."
So for not even asking for anything in return,and being the good woman that she is, she is getting the top of the line apple/fruit press,something that she has wanted for years,and something that we really need for all the apples, and grapes that we have growing on our property,as the small unit that we were using was not even close to handleing the volume that we now have.

[BrentLaBere]

Good to hear it! Good luck this fall. Its coming up quick

[foxvalley]

Thanks Brent! Good luck to you also,and yes, it's comming very fast. I'm already running nine ways to china trying to get everything done before sept 3rd.when I'm out of here!

[husky390]

I get so amped up and drive my wife crazy to the point that she can't wait for elk season just to get rid of me. With that said, she's not happy about me being gone but my tradeoff is that we go for vacations at places I hate which usually involves some tropical paradise (hellhole) where she can relax and all I can think about is wishing I was in the mountains somewhere. Aint love and marriage grand.

[ishy]

https://vimeo.com/66753575
Since we were on the subject...

[GobbleFarmer]

I'm glad things went well for you, now you can enjoy the time you two spend together more.